ABOUT…
10-42;thewalkerproject
The 10-42 refers to the common “ten codes” used by law enforcement, as a nod to Nathans heroic time as an officer. 10-42 is the law enforcement ten code for end of duty. Commonly used by officers either going off shift for the night or retiring from their career. End of duty.
The semicolon is a common symbol of persistence and hope in the mental health community. It indicates where there is a pause, where someone could end their story, their sentence, but they continued on. Although the semicolon is used for those who typically are survivors of suicide, it means something a little different for everyone.
While our loved ones, like Nathan have completed their mission and duties here on earth, their stories are far from over, their legacy is kept alive- we will keep their story alive.
More about the walker project
When I lost Nathan everyone was asking what I needed, repeatedly and I never found an answer, because well the only thing I wanted and needed was to feel close to my person again. Everything felt overwhelming and I found even general tasks difficult to accomplish. That’s if I could even remember what tasks I was working on or what I was supposed to be doing at the time because my brain fog was demanding and extremely consuming. Yet the things I cling to the most about my husband are the items he left behind the pictures and memories we have together. One of my biggest fears after losing Nathan was then losing those memories and pictures. When most of our photos are 90% on our phones I became worried about losing or damaging my phone, this lead to purchasing extra cloud storage which made me feel slightly at ease. Yet I couldn’t find a successful way to upload my brains memories to the cloud…. so I began to think of the best way I could to save these memories. And as life continues to ruthlessly go on, I have found sorting through weeks and months of tying up ends, caring for others and myself my brain fog has faded but so have some of the memories, until I have found time to sit and scroll through pictures. Call it a trauma response or what you so choose, but my brain tends to block out hard emotions, it inherently seems to give me a run for my money. And not only do I want these memories as for myself I was also faced with a specific circumstance due to Nathans passing. We have two young children (2 and 1). And while he created countless memories, giggles and cuddled them to sleep most nights, those memories are mine to share with them as they are so young they won’t have many. This broke my heart to think about how each day was a new memory for us but my kids wouldn’t remember. I wanted the ability to tell them short stories about their father in an interactive way and show them the superhero he is. Creating a book for them allows me to create some of the memory connections and allow them to learn more about their father, and as they grow up they will have the original memory/story and picture to go along with it. Giving them an interactive book they can use at this age and forward, as this book and these stories do not age. They will be able to take it with them and reread it whenever they want to be reminded about their goofy, funny, brave, and loving of a father Nathan was.
On top of personal and children reasons, I realized Nathan had a huge impact on many many people, and his death caused a lot of holes in many of his family and friends lives. My sweet Nathan created countless memories with friends and family, that I was never part of, but I and many others would want and deserve to hear his stories. Creating this open platform book allows others to tie a picture in with a story of him, such as one of their fondest memories that encapsulates part of his spirit. When compiling these memories and stories it allows multiple people to write and tell their version of him.. a side I may have never seen, but yet was still part of him. These books in turn can be given as heartful cherished gifts.
To wrap it up, these books can be just personal, for you and of just your memories and pictures to use, reflect and bring peace when the times get dark. Or be used as a childrens book to tell their story to young ears, with either your memories, the kids memories, or open platform describing your loved one. Or allow for an open platform and allow for multiple writers to create the short stories and the books can be given as heartful cherished gifts.
An added bonus+ I have hundreds of printed pictures of my husband and I am no scrapbooker, and have a fear of losing them in a fire. Compiling into a book allows me to store them in one place and when not in use slip this book into my fire safe, which lately seems safer than my forgetful brain.
I hope that in creating your book it will give you a sense of relief, and even the slightest amount that some of these memories and pictures are placed into a book that you can share with others when it’s hard to explain them yourself. I also hope it brings you relief to reflect through this book and remember all the good times, and the not so good times… because the memories we have will never go away, and their legacy never dies until their name is spoken for the last time.