You are not alone..
Grief Journey
As I was told early on once I lost my husband, not many people will understand such a loss unless they have had experienced it first hand.
We will continue this journey together, and I will be here with you through it. I am sure you as I have heard a million hallmark expressions when you lost your person. Dozens of analogies and people trying to connect when it just seems like the last priority on your list. The best way I have found someone describe grief to me was not a therapist.. go figure.. It was from a fellow widow. Life with our person is like walking through the forest on a beaten path, with a route plotted out and a destination set and all the stops along the way planned. When you lose your person you lose the path, the destination, the stops, your guide and all maps. The trail is gone and the sun is gone. You are left alone in the woods with no concept of where to go and how to get there. This analogy felt the closest to me other than some boat on the ocean. As it truly felt like the being alone in the woods with no path anymore, no idea of where I am going or how to get there or even why I keep going. But the rest of the analogy is that even in the darkest parts of the woods we must keep walking, it doesn’t matter that we know where we are going yet, somewhere along the walk we will find a path or a road again, and we will find friends or family who are echoing in the distance to keep going. Although not many people may understand your walk, a few of us do. We understand. I understand. The path may be gone, the forest may be dark, but you will find a clearing and you will breathe again. Just keep fighting. A great friend would always say to me “I will not let you fall.” Indeed he never did, the persistent compassion I was shown by a select few people, is why I am here able to write this now, and still fighting today. Now it’s my turn to support those walking this path as well.
Through the camera lens
The first time I saw you on my camera lens
I stared at your image for hours on end
I never felt the weight of that moment, that I just captured the beginning of the rest of my life.
When I was alone I’d pull up that image and stare at it for hours, as a source of comfort in the tough days, little did I know just how much I would be practicing for the storm to come.
And it’s unjust how that first time I took a picture of you I didn’t comprehend how my camera roll would be counting down one by one, 13,577 pictures left until the last time I see you in my camera lens.
I captured countless memories, laughs, feelings and sensations that are amazingly reproduced by just the sight.
But only in the slightest… as I hear your laugh.. or feel your breath on my cheek as you kissed me gently like you did on our first date.. or I feel the rush of excitement, as you knelt down in front me promising a lifetime with me….
But only in the slightest..
as your laugh is but an echo bouncing through my mind trying to find its way back
And that breath on my cheek is ever so escaping.. it’s faint, it’s brief. It’s not strong anymore…
And that rush of excitement and hope is tangled in with the image of our memories, but intertwined with resounding silence..
The memories are there, but as time is scarring them over the feelings I held are not the only thing reproduced at the sight, but with a sour taste that the lifetime you promised was so bitterly brief.
And as I lay here alone, again I scroll through those 13,578 images. Yet nothing can reproduce you. Those memories I envisioned in color fade slowly to black and white. Yet the more I speak your name and your story I restore the color and the feelings, As I know
I got to love you…
You came and went through my camera lens.. if only I could pull you through the images I would feel home again. KW
One of the first photos I got to take and now have the honor of sharing.
Tell me more about your journey and your person. Or if you or your loved on is struggling me, follow the buttons below to the resources page or personally contact me, we will go through this together.